How to Forgive

What forgiveness doesn’t mean

It doesn’t mean to say “it’s okay.” When someone says “I’m sorry,” many times the other person says “it’s okay.” A better response would be “I accept your apology” or “thank you,” then moving on.

It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or giving more and more chances to someone who is consistently abusive.

It doesn’t mean keeping silent about crimes, whether or not you are the victim. If anyone has committed a crime against you, report it. Don’t let them do the same thing to someone else. God loves justice, so don’t feel like you are being unforgiving by reporting a crime. Actually it can help the person turn around! God disciplines people in order for them to repent. He actually established government — Romans 13.

Think of how Jesus died on the cross so we could be forgiven. He didn’t simply overlook sin without a sacrifice. Romans 8:3 says He “condemned sin” by dying on the cross; He showed how bad it is.

What does it really mean to forgive?

It could mean letting go of a debt someone owes you.

It could mean letting go of hard feelings.

It could mean staying in a relationship where someone let you down.

Whatever forgiveness means in your situation, the point of forgiveness is wanting best for that person. Sometimes people want their enemies in hell. Although God will punish them if they don’t turn around, He doesn’t want that to happen.

“Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? says the Lord God, and not that he should turn from his ways and live?” — Ezekiel 18:23

Not only does God want them to repent; He also wants them to start using their lives for others!

“Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.” — Ephesians 4:28

How to forgive

It might take time to come to a point where you can say that you truly love the person who hurt you, but keep working on it. Here are some ways to do work on letting go:

• Ask God to fill you with His love. As I shared above, He wants everyone to repent and have eternal life in heaven. With God’s love in our hearts, we also want others to be rescued from eternity in hell, even those who have sinned against us; that love is possible through His Spirit in us.
• Pray for the person to fully repent and be used as a blessing to others (Ephesians 4:28).
• Remember that God will fully heal you. He works all things together for good to those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). As much as you want justice, realize only God can heal and restore you, whether that is in this life or in eternity. Those who wronged you will see that they were wrong. When we are in heaven forever, all wrongs will be made right. It will be as though we had never suffered (1 Corinthians 7:30).

What we focus on grows, so spend time focusing on these things every day in order to forgive fully.