Let’s say you sent a text to your best friend yesterday, and he/she still hasn’t responded. What would you think?
I try to get back to people in the same day, but sometimes unexpected things happen.
One time I was in a car accident and didn’t have my phone for at least a day. When I came back, there was a message from my friend. Another time my phone was lost. When I found it two days later, there was a message from the same friend. Other things like that have happened so many times that people might think they’re made-up excuses, but they’re not.
Sometimes the problem is that people simply don’t know what to say. It’s not a lack of caring, but a lack of words.
Have you had times when people didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt, and thought negatively about you? Do you give people the benefit of the doubt?
You don’t have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt if it involves safety. I wouldn’t trust a random stranger to babysit my kids; in some cases, even family members can’t be trusted, so if it involves safety, that’s not what I’m talking about.
In trusted relationships, though, when safety is not an issue, it always helps to not judge hearts, because that is often misjudging.
If you’re married and have insecurities about your spouse, let go of your insecurities. I’ve heard of women who were suspicious about their husbands going places after work, only to find out they were wrong, and their marriages were strained as a result.
Also if you’re getting into frequent arguments, pay attention to how you react — are you assuming the best about your spouse or judging his heart?
Deal with insecurities in a healthy way. Talk with your friend/spouse/family member about the thing that you feel insecure about, but make sure you do so in a positive way and give them plenty of reassurance.
Some say that we should never “judge” as far as warning people about sin, but that is contrary to 1 Thessalonians 5:14. That is different. 1 Timothy 5:24 shows that some sins are “open” (evident) now, while others are known later. There are many times in life when we do not know people’s hearts, and should not assume the worst. I’ve been wrong enough times to know better, and people have been wrong about me enough times that I wouldn’t want to do the same to someone else (Matthew 7:12).
The love chapter says that charity “does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:5). When I did a search on the root word for “think” in this verse, it showed the meaning is to “deem,” which gives me the impression it means deeming someone to be evil.
Also, when people assumed negatively about Paul, he said in 1 Corinthians 4:3–5, “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judges me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.” He said to “judge nothing before the time” because the Lord is the one who will bring hidden things to light and show what is in people’s hearts. In this life, we cannot know someone’s heart.
When people judge hearts, it divides churches, splits friendships, and ruins marriages. If we solve this one problem, I believe the vast majority of conflicts would never happen. As a result of applying this principle, my husband and I have a very smooth and peaceful marriage.
To have healthy relationships, always assume the best!